Giving Thanks.....Regardless

This time of year often makes me take inventory of the shelves of my life and realize how much I have and how thankful I am to have it. This year....not so much.

While I am, indeed, grateful for my life and those that are special to me that are in it, I can't help but think of the things that I've lost along the way. And when you've lost as much as I, you tend to realize how fragile life & love are and how quickly they can be gone. The Bible says, "in the blink of an eye." That's the speed in which things are gained & lost.

So here I sit, 2 days before the Thanksgiving holiday, asking myself "what are you really thankful for this year?" Health? Life? Family? Job? Home? What is the true value of these if you no longer have the people that made all of that meaningful? My family has been cut in half over the last 5 years. Split right down the proverbial middle. Will Thanksgiving ever be what it once was to me again? Perhaps. But not this year it seems.

My husband loved this holiday. He would eat until it ran out of his ears. Everything was good to him. Turkey, potatoes, candied yams, greens, cranberry sauce, rolls & desserts stood no chance with him at the table. The term 'eating machine' comes to mind.

In the last few years, however, my husband actually took stock of his life. The good, the bad and the ugly. He didn't like some of what he saw. It humbled him. Made him know that there were other people in this world and they had feelings too. He realized that who was important were the people that stand by you during the storm not those who show up after the skies have cleared. He realized that often times the ones closest to him felt the biggest brunt of his ill thought out words over the years. He asked some for forgiveness, including me. I forgave. I loved him. It was easy for me. It was far more difficult for him to ask me for forgiveness than it was for me to give.

So I am thankful that my husband's life came full circle and he was able to see the forgiveness in my heart. I'm thankful for the 25 years we had together. Every touch, every laugh, every tear, every kiss, & even every argument made us who we were together. As one. I'm thankful that I was by his side that early July morning. Fulfilling a promise that I had made to him years ago. He thought I'd be gone before then. Nope. I'm not made that way. I would have never left him like that. Not when he needed me the most. That morning he knew it & understood what was meant by the words, "I LOVE YOU". He saw it every day of the last 6 years. He lived it. He received it. And most importantly, he gave it back.

I miss him. John, the humble, grateful man.