Loose Ends...

Every situation has them. Some more daunting than others. We all have to deal with some "loose ends" at some point in life and I just dealt with mine.

Things in regards to my husband and his long but not so long life were wrapped up this past week. With the exception of the health insurance trying to get all of the medical bills paid, there is not much else left to do. The last of the many things I could do for John was done some time last week.

The placing of the headstone, marking his final resting place so that I will never again not know where he is within the cemetery. Of course things never go as you imagine or plan and this was no different. On November 17th I received a call from the monument company informing me that "our" headstone was in and they were setting up a time to get it down but they couldn't do anything until I paid off my side of the plot. If you recall, I purchased 2 plots at the time of my husband's passing. 1 for him and 1 for me. Side by side for eternity. SPOOKY! Yet comforting. I had planned on paying my plot off over the course of the next 2 years so that I wouldn't feel the financial pinch at this time. I then ordered a double headstone. 1 side for him, 1 side for me. Wasn't informed that I couldn't get the monument placed unless both plots were paid in full. LOVERLY! So I worked it out with the cemetery to put a "down payment" in, have 3 months of payments taken until the stone was ready and then returning to pay off the remainder of the cost at the time that the stone was ready. PERFECT! Reasonable. Safe. So I made the mad dash to the cemetery office to pay off the "spot" after receiving the call from the monument company. YES! No more wandering around the cemetery in the rain with flowers and balloons in hand trying to find his "spot". What could be more perfect? My step daughter was coming in from NY for the Thanksgiving holiday and she could get a peek at it while she's here. GREAT! So I inform the monument company that I've paid the remaining balance off on the 17th. (The same day as the call). I ask the monument company if there's any way they could have it down by Thanksgiving. "I seriously doubt it because of the rain and I have to schedule it with the cemetery so I don't think it will be done that soon." Soon? I'm so disappointed but what can you do?

Fast forward to November 25th. Step daughter arrives safely with her daughter in tow. I go over to see them as they are staying with a niece. I tell them that the stone is ready but I don't think it's going to be down before they leave. It probably doesn't bother them as much as it bothers me. So I venture out to the cemetery on Thanksgiving day to check on the flowers that I had put out there over the weekend. The vase seems to be sitting higher than I remember and there are 6 little marker flags sticking up out of the ground. So I get out of the car and walk over and lo and behold, the headstone is down. So what do I do? I commence to boo hoo-ing like a baby. Caught by surprise after a crappy morning of missing him and talking with him while I was making up the bed. Telling him that he should be here with us on this day. There it sat. The "marker" of his final resting place. It looked so final. Sitting there all new and pristine in appearance. Mocking me like a 3rd grader at recess. "I look better than you do!" "I look better than you do!" I hate it. The whole scenario is just beyond anything I ever imagined. I take a pic w/my cell phone and send it off to the step daughter. She calls. Asks me what's it say under the car? I tell her. She says it's nice. It is. And it's so him. His name w/DOB and DOD. A Ford Maverick sits below that with the words, "Cruisin' the quarter mile". But the most interesting part is definitely my name on the other side of the stone. It's kinda creepy seeing your name on a tombstone. But it's inevitable. We're all going to die someday. But wow. I didn't think it give me such a pause. I have a football helmet on my side with the letters, "HTTR" below it. It actually is nice but I thought it was going to be green in color. That was the color in the brochure. But who actually thinks they're getting what they see in the picture? Me, apparently.

So the loose ends are no longer twisting in the wind. It's all over except the crying. And I'm sure that I will take care of that little detail. The last of what I can do for him is finished. One more step in the journey of letting go and moving forward. Stubbornly, I take that step. I don't like it. I don't have to. But I do have to do it, like it or not. It's a requirement in life. One that I'm not thrilled about at all.