Technically. Legally. Spiritually. I became "un"-married on July 22, 2009. Emotionally speaking......not so much.
I never thought about how daunting a task this would be. When you take the vows, you never think about what's going to happen when you have to live the vows. You know the part I'm talking about. 'Till death do us part' Yeah. That part.
It's coming up on 6 months since I've lost the love of my life. So I've decided that I should be trying to wean myself from wearing the wedding ring. The funny thing about that is every time I go out w/o it on my finger, I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I know that it's perfectly acceptable for me not to wear my wedding ring. I've asked others who have been down this road, "how long do I continue to wear my ring?" "You'll know when to take it off.", "Whenever you're ready.", "There's no real time frame." , "There's no need to rush anything." Those were a few of the answers that I got. So...no real answers.
So how do you get "un"-married? The feelings that led me to marry John are still here. I still love him very much. That didn't die with him. It still lives inside of me. That's why I feel like I'm betraying him when I don't wear the wedding ring.
How do I move on if I'm still in love with my husband who happens to be dead? This is not the way it was supposed to be. But it is what it is.
As for me, I still feel married. I'm venturing out without the ring because I know I can't wear it for the rest of my life. But is my love for John in the ring or in my heart? The ring is merely a symbol of our love and the vows that we took. My love for him still beats in my heart with or without the ring. I still love him. And I don't think that will ever change. But I'm also still IN LOVE with him and I can't move on if that's the case.
To wear the ring or not to wear the ring. That is the question. There are no hard & fast rules. It's a personal journey. One that I wish I didn't have to embark on but also one that no one can avoid.
I miss him. John, my "un" husband.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
omg aunt sherry...im a wreck over here :-( i was just starting to organize the pics for the picnic and i came to ur blog. i havent been here in awhile. the main reason being, i dont want to acknowledge that my uncle is gone. i never acknowledge that they are gone (grandma, derrick, uncle john, nanny, etc.)it hurts too bad. a girl i know from grad school lost her husband our first semester of grad school in 2006 in a tragic car accident. to make it worse, they had just welcomed their fisrt child together just a short yr prior to his death and he also had a 5 y/o from a previous relationship. she just recently remarried, and there were definitely ppl who thought it was "too soon," who are they to decide? and what would they do if they were in the same situation? she is a young woman, early 30's, and she did what was best for her. she still wears her wedding band from her first husband, but she wears it on her right ring finger now, that's what's working for her and that's what's best for her. her decision, no one elses. one of co-workers, her mother-in-law never remarried or dated when her husband passed away while she was still in her mid 30's. for that individual, her values indicated that she was still a married woman, her husband was dead, and she was still married to him...period. she did what was best for her and what worked for her. no one elses decision, hers alone. the point is this aunt sherry, u have to do what u feel is best in ur heart and spirit. i can only imagine the awkward transitions and harsh realities that u have had to face in the past 10 months, so again, do what u need to do and do it on ur terms, no one elses. i love u and my uncle johns still loves his wife.
ReplyDelete