My niece stopped by first. Hadn't seen this one in a minute. She listens well and is doing well. She reads this blog and was asking if I was still posting. I had taken a break because there was nothing to post in a few weeks but I told her there were 2 new posts last week. Check 'em out.
Then I got the shock of the day. My brother-in-law drove up. Now you must understand why I say "shock of the day". This brother rarely visits and it takes moving mountains to get this man to call. But I had gotten him a package that he needed to pick up so he ventured beyond the yard of safety and came over to the poor side of town.
This is James. One of my husband's "little" brothers. (There were 5 boys). He's 2 years my husband's junior. I tend to view him as younger than he is because my husband always spoke of him from the standpoint of his being younger. It's hard to get that perception out of my head because it's been there for so long. But I must learn to view him through my own eyes now.
Now, he's far from a recluse but he doesn't deviate from his routines often. That's neither good nor bad. It's just.....James. He is....well.....James. Everyone knows he's a creature of habit which isn't much different than most of us if the truth be told. I know he's probably wondering why I'm calling more than I used to. But he's too polite to ask. He doesn't know that his "big" brother made me promise that I would keep in touch with him after he was gone. He doesn't know that John asked me to "keep an eye on him". My husband was concerned about James. He's had some health issues and I guess my husband thought since I am in the medical field and I helped him whenever I could that I should try and do the same for his "little" bro. I don't have a problem with that. Will do what I can. The question is, does James have a problem with it? I don't think it will be a major issue. But I sense that he may not be thrilled with the idea that someone was asked to keep a "check" on him. Especially since the checker will be me. Although I've never called it that and haven't told him of the promise I made to his brother.
I told him that I like to call him because he sounds like John over the phone. At times when we're chit chatting, I close my eyes and if I didn't know better, I'd swear it was John's voice coming through that receiver. Another reason I call him is that James lost his long time spouse in 2004. So he's walked this journey 5 years longer than I. He knows and understands the road I'm on. He knows the feeling of utter loneliness in the midnite hour. So I don't feel so alone when I talk to him. I know he has no idea that he brings a sense of connection because we now share this common issue. He's a dude afterall. Guys very rarely comprehend that misery loves company. But it certainly helps me to know I'm not alone and there's someone who has made it through what I'm currently struggling with. I see him laugh. I see him engage people. I see him embrace life on his own level. These things make me know that I, too, will make it. This season will pass with time. So, he helps me without even knowing, which is pretty cool in itself. To watch him progress from where he once was to where he's at now allows me to realize that things will get better as time moves on. I will adjust and get used to doing things alone. I don't have to like it but I do have to do it.
So, to my brother-in-law, I thank you sir. You've served as an example without even knowing it. Thanks for showing me that there is life after. Different but life nonetheless. I'll watch and learn from you. I'll just put my feet into the footprints that you left behind until I can leave my own set that someone else may need to follow. If I can move forward as gracefully as you have then I know I'll come out shiny and new. Just look at him in that picture and see his light shine.
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