A Family Affair, Part Deux

The baby steps keep coming. The more I take, the further along in this journey I go.

My first "family" gathering without my dear by my side. The gathering was in the home of one of the sister-in-laws, in honor of her birthday. There was a cross section of this huge family in attendance. 3 brother-in-laws, 3 sister-in-laws, some nieces, some nephews, some family friends and me.

There was every kind of food imaginable. BBQ chicken, spaghetti, cornbread, pot roast, tuna casserole, potato salad, baby lima beans, garlic bread, punchbowl cake, and a store bought birthday cake. Yummy! Sabotage for a gal trying to lose some poundage though. I suffered through it in silence and with a full mouth. Couldn't resist the cake. It's a weakness of mine. (What can I say?)

She(the sister-in-law whose birthday it was), asked me to bring a picture of my son with me when I came. "Sure", I said. But I wondered what in the world could the purpose of that be. Well, I handed the picture over and away she went to another room. I called out to her, "hey, I need that back when I leave tonite, I swiped it off of my daughter's bedroom wall." "No problem", she called out. So we sat and chatted after getting hugs from all around. It seemed a bit "weird" to be in her home without my husband. I felt like I was out of place. Not because of anything anyone said or did, it was because I'd never been in that circumstance before. I have to get adjusted to being with them without him. It's still a new thang.

As it turns out, she requested the picture to add it to a small table that was in her living room. Upon that table were pictures of 3 important people in her eyes. Her mother, who passed in 2002, my son, who passed in 2005, and my husband, who passed just 4 months ago. She lit a candle in the middle of all 3 pictures. We blessed the food and she spoke about the 3 souls represented in those photos. "My mom", her voice cracking, "I wish she were here today". "My nephew, his birthday was last week on 10/4. I may not have always gotten him a present each year, but I always called him on his birthday and he would say, " hey aunt Eunice." "My brother", if he were here he would be the 1st to the table and the last to leave. I just miss my brother." " I wanted to just gather with family tonite and I debated whether to do this or not but I felt I needed it. We don't spend enough time together and I miss that. My heart has been heavy of late and I just wanted to be with my family today." Beautifully said. The tears she was shedding made it real and heartfelt. She is a good soul. I felt honored to be in that circle holding hands with the family that I was lucky enough to be welcomed into and I thought in those moments of prayer and heartfelt words, "how would I have made it without them these last 4 months? How will make it in the future if our connection is broken by something unforeseen?" I shudder at that thought. For this family may NOT be perfect, but it is a loving, kind, affectionate, good time family. With all of their faults, they love each other unconditionally. And I was blessed enough to have met the eldest sibling a very long time ago and survive. I know that I can call on them and they will be there. Even without their brother by my side, I know that these folks have my back. And that's a feeling no amount of money can pay for.

I'm still not exactly sure where my place is in the grand pecking order, but I know that I have a place in there somewhere. I am a Freeman. That's a heart full.