One More to Go

Well, it's just about over. This has been a long week. I'm tired. My appetite has returned somewhat. Which can be good or not.

We have 1 more step to take in order to start our healing journey path. The funeral. The word funeral even sounds so final, doesn't it? It does to me at least. It's probably the least palatable part of this whole thing. But it's a necessary evil. No one is going to live forever.

We got through the "wake" or viewing, depending on which side of the family you reside. It was done well and tasteful. My husband looked good. That's odd too since he's no longer living. But I've not seen him look that good in a long time. I had forgotten that he looked that good. It shocked me to feel how much I longed for that John. The undertaker did such a good job that he looked like he did about 10 years ago. WOW! I was pleased to say the least. The sisters won't be upset or have MUCH to complain about. Death always brings out the worst in folks. It's not been too bad this time around but we've not gotten through the funeral either.

I decided to do a celebration of his life during this time because my husband loved life. He loved to laugh and to joke around and I wanted the folks that were there that didn't know that side of my husband to experience the John that I fell in love with all those years ago. The silly things he would do and the fun that we had. It was pure and beautiful. You never see it until you look back over those old VHS tapes that have been tucked away beneath the entertainment center. I pulled those old things out and found a treasure trove of memories. Times that I had almost forgotten about. Life becomes so busy and filled with things that don't mean a hill of beans that we sometimes forget that the people we love aren't going to be here always. I think John would have liked it. It showed his human side, his loving and compassionate side and his silly side. I wanted to take an hour to remember the real John. The John that made us all laugh and forget that life could be hectic at times. There were many people there that only knew the John that was stuck in that stupid wheelchair and I wanted them to experience all the things that made my husband who he was.

It was great! I saw lots of friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. I saw lots of his family that I haven't seen for awhile either. There was laughter and talking and smiles all around. I wanted to take an hour and lighten the mood if only for that moment. The heaviness of this situation can sometimes just put a cloud over folks' heads. So why not remember who they were. I think my husband would have been pleased.

My heart is broken, but my spirit is strong.

I'll love him forever.