What the Lonely Do at Christmas...

There's an "R&B" Christmas song called "What Do the Lonely Do At Christmas" sung by The Emotions that has never played a role in my Christmas' until now. So I am going to answer this perpetual question here tonight. Christmas Eve 2009. Who better to shed some light on this subject than someone who is right, smack dab in the middle of it.

What do the lonely do at Christmas?

1. We force ourselves to put up a tree because we know deep down in our hearts that if we don't, we never will again. We buy "memory" ornaments and hang them from the branches. Photos with their smiling faces watching us as we struggle to get through. Reminders of happier Christmases.
2. We shop for the ones we still have with us even though our hearts are not in it anymore. We see numerous items that we could buy for the ones we miss. I wonder why finding a gift for them seemed to be so difficult while they were here yet now on every shelf of the store there's something I know he would like and could use. Ain't that peculiar?
3. I make hot chocolate for one now. Sit by the tree with Christmas carols playing in the background, longing for him to walk through that door just one more time.
4. I see him, around every corner, in every aisle of every store, and in every face that I meet in the street.
5. I only wish for 1 gift this year. A gift that I know is impossible to receive. A gift that I didn't fully appreciate for the 25 years of our relationship. How could I have taken so much for granted for so long? If Santa were real, I would ask him for this one special thing.

Santa, will you bring my baby back to me? Just for a moment on Christmas Eve? So that I could tell him how much I still love him. So I can hear his voice, see his smile, and feel his touch just one more time. I know in my heart that one moment wouldn't be long enough. I'd want him to stay so we could be the couple we used to be. So I wouldn't have to experience a lonely Christmas ever again. If he could, I know that he would. That was who he was when he was here.

My husband, my lover, my friend. I miss him.

So while I may be lonely this Christmas, I know that I'm not alone. Someone once told me, "As long as we speak their names, they never really die."

John. John. John....'Till the day I die, his name will be spoken and he will live in my heart always.

Merry Christmas, Baby....You sure did treat me right. I miss you.